13 Harrowing Tales Of Crystal Meth Abuse

Alexander Trinitatov / (Shutterstock.com) Alexander Trinitatov / (Shutterstock.com)
These drug testimonials are from erowid.org, the world’s most amazing database of information and experiences regarding psychoactive substances.
These were purposely selected as negative reports and are not representative of the average report submitted to Erowid.
1. Shooting It Is the Devil

by LLamarama, from Erowid (ExpID 63579)
I told him to only inject half of what he had in the syringe, I’m so sensitive to speed and I already had so much in my system. he tried injecting the full thing and I pushed the needle away as I lost the ability to breathe and stumbled on to the bed. I couldn’t breathe for what seemed like hours but was probably a few seconds. … Here come the cold sweats. The air conditioner was on 66 degrees and I was sweating my ass off. I was clenching my jaw and biting my nails to the bone. My eyes were still too scary to look at people with. I was too uncomfortable to be active, and too inactive to be comfortable. I started with illusions. … Spiders everywhere, regular objects turning into cameras, random objects getting wavy, bottled waters breathing, People in the windows, shadows moving. Horrible short nightmares of the cops and people with guns coming in and shooting at me. I was no longer euphoric.

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2. What the Hell Was I Thinking

by BongLoad from Erowid (ExpID 36408)
I started to see clear outlines of people everywhere. I went kinda like predator when he goes invisible in the movie. I knew this was a bad sign. Things started to get real weird. Liquid smoke was filling my whole field of vision and I remember the outlined people getting more vivid. They would smile at me with these evil faces and wave and shit. It was scary as hell. I would be having a conversation with somebody and realize I was totally alone. Lots of times I would find myself chasing imaginary intruders out of my yard. I would see people plain as day and then when I got up close they would be a chair or lawn ornament. A lot more things happened I can’t even explain like hands touching me all over. … I am posting this report to warn anybody who suffers from mental illness be careful what they put in your body.

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3. Feverish

by Tweakedork from Erowid (ExpID 55275)
The next thing I felt was having the chills, the walls were melting and though the walls were painted a plain off white it suddenly had vague patterns of shadows of things I could not make out which floated and moved. The floral pattern on the curtains started to move and float. I pulled the drapes, the sunlight blinded me. I looked at my hairy arms, the hair moved like sea anemone in a light current, my skin looked like it had tiny bugs crawling underneath it, my palms were so white. I thought I looked pale but was too helpless to look at the mirror to see, besides my perception was so twisted by now it would not have mattered.

I was scared. Never have I been this scared before in my entire life.

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4. Some Drugs Aren’t Meant for Everyone

by Natas from Erowid (ExpID 5186)

I looked over at my cats who happened to be fighting and out of nowhere they started shouting obscenities at each other. My face had a look of shock upon it as I realized that this wasn’t something that happened to other people with such small amounts. By this time the glowing had intensified greatly and everything around me was a different color than usual and many things were shooting sparks and rays of light. There was a shadow of another person constantly next to mine who kept whispering random words in my ear. I could no longer breathe without consciously making myself do it so I spent every few seconds remembering to breathe for fear I would die.

I walked to the bathroom to splash some water on my face which was very hot and there was a man pointing to the light switch with enthusiasm as if waiting for me to turn it on. I couldn’t even see myself in the mirror because it had turned white. I was worried but I did not panic because I didn’t feel any different than when I was normally on meth I was just hallucinating. I continued to have many hallucinations that would take forever to list and I became worried that I may end up schizophrenic when the drug wears off. The only blessing in disguise I had was that when I realized I was unable to sleep for obvious reasons I just stopped making myself breathe and within a minute or two I was unconscious. I considered the fact that doing this may kill me but I figured that when I fell asleep my body would return to breathing automatically and thankfully I was right.

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5. Numbness, Hallucination, Paranoia

by Chris from Erowid (ExpID 9451)

I started hallucinating really intense. The top of my body and my face had gotten really red and it felt like I was getting a high temperature. At first I thought it was the best feeling in the world, sitting in bed watching the wall doing waves. Shadows and lights were really doing weird things. A bug flying on the blue TV screen looked a lot like an eagle flying slowly inside my TV. Wings were very detailed. Cigarette smoke curled in the air took the shape of the mask off of scream.

At the time all of this was happening, I still had a sense of reality but the later it got the more reality slipped away and the last things I remember was looking at my wrist and saying something like ‘damn where’s the dope monster? He’s supposed to come and see me for the party. He is late.’

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6. Afraid of Dust

by Mindless from Erowid (ExpID 5561)

I had just shot up right before I left my house, so everything was great. I was smoking a cigarette and I went to throw it out of my sunroof. About five minutes later a whole bunch of ashes fall on me (it turned out the cigarette didn’t go anywhere, it got stuck between the sunroof and the inside of the car). It was then that I lost it. I felt the ashes land on my arm and I immediately freaked out. I cant really explain what I felt – it was just fear. I pulled over and began wiping myself off, and I felt the strong need to wipe every piece of dust off the dashboard of my car. I had to have everything spotless – I felt afraid of dust and afraid of ashes and afraid of everything.

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I picked up my friend and I didn’t tell him what happened. I was too embarrassed and I just wanted to let it go and forget about it. A few hours later after I dropped him off I was parked in my car freaking out. I saw things coming out of my skin and I couldn’t get them to go away. I saw things coming out of the seat of my car – it was almost like every surface had pours and they were all exploding and threatening me. I was so scared! I didn’t know what to do. I saw little black specs coming through my skin. I sat there and squeezed and picked and tried so hard to get them out but they just kept coming back. Every particle of dust that I saw (and I saw a lot) frightened the hell out of me. I would jump and almost scream whenever I saw any.

I never want to feel that way again.

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7. An Angel Fallen From Grace

by Tabris from Erowid (ExpID 18874)
Once I hit the 36th hour, I started to hallucinate. I was sitting at my cubicle and my arms looked 10 feet long. The world was spinning, everything was distorted. My heart was racing and I have a heart condition…I was worried that my heart would explode…. now I believe that methamphetamine is evil in of itself. PURE evil. It’s taken me through the worst of hells the past days, and I thank whatever god there may be that I saw that before I got in any more. As it is, I’m still waiting for my cognitive functions to return to normal. I find myself horribly frustrated because I can’t construct a sentence without thinking about it first. I have all these ideas and I get horribly frustrated trying to communicate them. It’s getting better right now, but I’ve only done meth 3 times.

I never believed in evil before I came across this, but I just can’t put it any other way. Meth nearly swallowed my soul. I looked the devil in the eye and spat in his face.

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8. The Shadow People

by Saint Jimmy from Erowid (ExpID 48313)

After about 10 minutes, [my friend] A. sat up and noticed that a large vortex was forming in the corner of the hotel room. From this vortex, which looked like a smoky grey cube imploding on itself, emerged hundreds of shadowy figures. They were roughly human in shape and seemed to be composed entirely of shadows. They had no facial features or clothing or any type of distinguishing marks. Being avid researchers of the paranormal, we instantly recognized these creatures to be Shadow People. Panic quickly set in as the shadow people began to circle the room.

At some point M. finally put down his pen and joined the chaos that was rapidly forming in the room. C., A., and I were huddled in one of the beds together, hyperventilating and in a general state of panic. Shadow people may not sound too frightening to those who know nothing about them, but as people who understand these creatures we knew enough to be terrified. Shadow people are not malevolent beings. They are horrible extra dimensional beings that prey on human energy. Not a good situation to be in when we are spun and paranoid enough as it is.

We began talking about what we thought the shadow people were and came to the conclusion that they were beings from another dimension that had entered our dimension through the vortex. Methamphetamine had allowed our bodies to vibrate at a higher resonance than usual and this attracted the shadow people. …
Soon, a mass about the size of a human torso began forming underneath the table. It was a large, translucent blob with no discernable form. C. and I started screaming for M. and A. to come back and they ran into the room. The blob started speaking to me telepathically, telling me that it was going to spiritually possess me and use my body to murder my friends.

As it was speaking it began climbing up my body. It inserted three tentacles into my navel and began to enter my body. Where the tentacles touched me, I felt a sensation similar to ice-cold needles being pushed through my skin. I wanted to get up and run away but the creature had me completely paralyzed. A. started screaming at me to run and for M. and C. to do something, but they just stood there, dumbfounded. A. took matters into her own hands and took a flying leap at the creature and tackled it, ripping it out of my body. M. grabbed me under my arms and C. grabbed my legs and carried me to the other bed. During this my body was still completely frozen. They dumped me on the bed and tried to get me to respond but for a few minutes I was unable to move or speak. I have very vague memories of what happened next. All I recall is A. telling me that the creature was gone. …

The shadow people stayed with me for a few months. I saw them constantly, even when I wasn’t high. I personally believe that what we saw that night was real. …

Meth basically ruined my life through a long series of events. In the end, I ended up with methamphetamine-induced schizophrenia.

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9. Kiss the Kook

by Jojo from Erowid (ExpID 20633)
[My buddy] Matt soon introduced me to my poison, crystal meth. I had never tried it before, being from New York the drug is almost unheard of there. We only knew 1 dealer with it. The first time I did it was snorting it. It was the most amazing experience. The tingling in my body, the energy, the motivation. It was great and I was hooked from the start. I soon began shooting it. This led to all my money being drained. So Matt and I had a novel idea. We began cooking it ourselves. …

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Eventually, old friends of mine began telling me that my mind was slipping and I was going crazier and crazier. Matt too. But still, neither of us cared. Until one binge that finally ended it all. Matt and I had been up for almost 14 days. Our minds were far-gone 5 days before this point. The apartment was trashed. I was covered in dirt and blood. I couldn’t even tell where I was bleeding from. I was home, and I didn’t even know where I was. And to top it all off, the last batch was fresh out.

Matt began yelling at a pile of clothes on the floor, thinking that a demon was hiding under it. This scared the hell out of me. Not because he was losing it, but because it awakened my fears as well. Finally after a brief screaming match at the laundry, he reached into a drawer and grabbed a gun that I had no clue he ever owned. He began firing at the clothes, and finally turned the gun around and fired it into his mouth. I was in shock. I didn’t know what the hell was going on around me, much less what to do. The gunshots soon attracted the police who arrested me and took Matt’s body away.

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10. Skin

by Unspun from Erowid (ExpID 42729)
I had delusions. Especially when I was hot. I would take the hottest showers I could stand, for hours, trying to clean the cysts I now had under my scalp full of the gritty black shit, and it was difficult because I couldn’t use soap anymore, it got under my skin and burned and bubbled in my eyes nose and throat for hours afterward. I couldn’t drink soda either, same reason. I had delusions that my dealer was poisoning our dope because he wanted it all for himself, which in comparison to my other delusions makes sense. I had delusions that the black shit in my skin was some new form of dope only producible by the human body and my dealer was selling us tainted dope so my body would make it because he was going to come harvest this shit from me and turn me into a slave he would keep locked up and just feed meth to in order to obtain this new drug. I figured my dealer was doing this to lots of people, and that he’d keep me enslaved until I died from the meth. I knew it was killing me, I didn’t care…

And we didn’t want to quit.

We were banned from the sauna at our apartment complex because no one else could use it. Our sweat smelled so strongly of ammonia it burned the eyes, it was caustic, and it burned our skin too. We had to cope with just taking really hot showers, which didn’t work as well.

I fell asleep in the hot shower one night and woke with blood pounding in my ears and too weak to stand up. The fatty shortening crap that built up under my skin seemed to melt enough to be excreted through my pores with a little heat, but with a lot of heat it seemed to melt enough for it to all be released because I was sitting in a pool of it. I gathered the strength to turn on cool water and then realized I’d made a terrible mistake when all of this crap that was still in my body and had collected because of gravity in my pelvic region and belly suddenly congealed. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt… and I really had to pee, but I couldn’t because a clot of it had congealed in my urethra. I eventually pushed it out and saw it in the toilet.

Did I promise you grotesque? We aren’t through yet. For days afterward this shit came out of my eyes, ears, nose, and throat. It came out of my vagina. It was in my urine and feces. I swallowed it down continually and it made me gag. I spit constantly because it was in my mouth. I wiped it from my eyes and it ran from my nose. I still have no idea what It was, exactly, only a guess that it had something to do with the almost fifty pounds total I’d lost. I know it wasn’t a hallucination because I cleaned it out of the tub three weeks ago, and six weeks after quitting, it’s still coming out of my skin, less, much less, but still there.

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11. Anger, Rage, Confusion, Depression…

by MsBritney from Erowid (ExpID 57547)
I swear this plastic smile you all see is getting so fucking old. I don’t fucking understand myself. I don’t understand life. I don’t understand the world. I’m hurt, I’m angry, upset, and most definitely, confused. I don’t know how to cry anymore… I don’t know how to talk. .. I feel so alone in this over-populated, crazy world we live in. …

I look in the mirror and see someone I never expected I’d see again. She’s hurt.. She’s in pain.. but why is she the only one capable of comprehending that??? Every other temptation in this world, I can experiment with a few times, and literally walk away from it like it never happened… but this one – it’s the FUCKING DEVIL! It’s swallowed my soul – but worse – I’m still alive. I’m here watching my own body deteriorate to nothing… My insecurities are eating me alive!… There’s a thin line between sane and crazy … a thin white line of microscopic crystals. …

I wish I had never given in again. It had been two years…. TWO FUCKING YEARS! And then, one day, the DEVIL came knocking at my door, and of course I had to let him in. It’s not self-experimentation anymore – it’s self-mutilation. My face is covered in (what looks like) a bad breakout. My teeth hurt, my nose is scabbed inside, and my bones ache like those of an 80 year old. – The only good news is that I fit into a size 0 again…

It’s only been a day off of the shit, and I’m having the worst withdrawals EVER! I’m angry, saddened, unhealthy, pissed… and SO DAMN CONFUSED!… I’m fucking rambling. – I’ll continue this another day…


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12. Methanpheta Cream Pie

by Julianne from Erowid (ExpID 35518)
I knew I had a problem when a guy knocked the pipe to the floor, and I had already started crying before it shattered. I began to get used to speedboats, (tinfoil folded in half – shiny side down! – and lit from the underside), and could feel my brain baking twice as much. I then began eating the stuff. I would hit almost a gram in one capsule and be up for days without any refills. My insides burned all the time and I thought I was getting a hole in my Liver. This was always my favorite way to get spun though. I was able to concentrate on one thing and work on it for hours on end. I’m naturally hyper, so Ice relaxes me. I was never big on cleaning the whole apartment in 10 minutes.

I began to hallucinate all the time, and at one point I lost sight of reality. I would wake up to the images of the nightmare I just had dancing on my ceiling. For a week, (and this is no joke) I would have sworn that Bin Laden was hiding in my closet – I kept seeing a white turban which was really a white sweater. I began making myself do something – anything – while high, (which was either when I was alone or with other people). So I found my beloved journal under my dorm bed. I figured it would at least keep me from giving myself a mental disorder.

It was amazing to think of the girl I used to be in those beginning pages. I almost felt nervous, like I was sneaking a look at somebody else’s secrets and dreams. The ink turned from my usual loopy cursive to skinny lines, (vertical and horizontal) of smashed words flying all over the page. I had lost my gift. I had forgotten about all the passion I had for the world. Everything that forced my hand to write page after page about freedom, beauty, truth and life. I could only write about drugs. Once I spent 13 hours sitting in my car at the park doing nothing but writing. Ice made me focused, efficient, horny, mean, anxious, euphoric, anorexic, guilty, and so very shameful.

Shortly after, I found myself in a rehab outside Lubbock, TX. I never knew how sickening sober could feel. A month later I thought I could start my new life, since Ice had ruined the old one. The thought of snorting a bump, smoking a bowl, or sucking aluminum through a straw disgusted me – or so I thought….

I lost my apartment, my boyfriend, my car, and my respect in less than a month. I had no money for Ice so I started dancing at a local strip bar where I knew my drug house would be the dressing room – I was right.

Looking again like a Holocaust victim, I stared at myself in the mirror for 15 minutes trying with everything I had to see something I liked. When that didn’t work I did what any decent young girl would do. I went on another binge. I was a shell, an empty shell filled with smoke. I tried to kill myself.

I woke up in a mental hospital. That very moment I opened my eyes I found a peace that was given to me from above, serenity from within, and some words I had forgotten months ago. There was a homeless man that always went to the same Alcoholics Anonymous meeting I did, and one day I told him that I hoped the worst was over. He said to me that you hit rock bottom when you stop digging. I threw down my shovel immediately.

Swinging my feet out of the bed, (and noticing the stitches on my wrist), I took what felt like the first step. Somehow, the tiny bit of dignity I had left had fought every dark corner of my soul and body while I slept – I guess it won.

I breathed a new breath, and I said a new prayer. It said: God, may my burdens always be too great to carry so I may be driven back to you for strength. That’s all it took for me – a second chance to wake up.

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13. My Regrets

by Rainshadow from Erowid (ExpID 10700)
I wouldn’t go so far to say that I completely regret ever trying Crystal meth, but I do regret knowing all that I now know about it. I wish I didn’t know how unconditionally happy I can be. I wish I didn’t know how fun all people can be. I wish I didn’t know where to get it from. I wish I didn’t know how smart I can be on it. I wish I hadn’t spent all my money on it. I wish I didn’t know that if I wanted it, I could have it for free now. I wish I didn’t see things in the dark now. I wish I could fall asleep without thinking my heart is beating way too fast. I wish I wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night chewing on my lips and cheeks. I wish I didn’t see people who know I used to use all the time. I wish they wouldn’t try to talk to me. I wish my friends didn’t think less of me. I wish my family never saw me crying in the corner. I wish my mom could still look at me the same. I wish I could just talk about it, like I am now, without clenching my teeth and picturing white smoke coming from my mouth. I wish I didn’t crave that white smoke. I wish I could drive at night, without things jumping out of the dark at me. I wish I didn’t have to turn every single light in my house on at all times. No, it’s not trying it that I regret, it’s the fact that I couldn’t stop at just trying. I had to keep doing it. And the fact that I couldn’t strike a balance between doing crystal, and living my life. It was one or the other. And now I realize that I chose the wrong one.

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