Imagine you could end all the pain, confusion and frustration that bipolar disorder is causing you and your family. Imagine fewer fights…
Less bipolar anger…
Less frequent mood swings(and lower intensity)..
Less crazy bipolar behavior.
Imagine fewer arguments. Fewer ups and downs. Slowing down the impact of your loved one’s bipolar disorder which–up to now–has been gradually taking over and interfering with your whole life.
Imagine finally having peace back in your life because you and your loved one finally understand how to cope and deal with this devastating disorder.
If you support a loved one with bipolar who is hard to predict and understand all the time for seemingly random and inappropriate reasons…
If you’re exhausted from walking on eggshells because it only takes “one wrong step” to set them off(and you’re about to pull out what’s left of your hair)…
If you’re utterly exhausted from taking the abuse, but you still love and want to support their recovery from this dreadful disorder…
Then you’re going to be thrilled your journey brought you to this page!…
Hi, my name is David Oliver. I am one of the nation’s leading experts on helping Bipolar Supporters. Please give me a few minutes to tell you my story and explain how I learned so much about coping and dealing with a loved one’s bipolar disorder… and in particular the crazy, irrational anger which so often accompanies it!
Ten years ago, I was standing in your shoes…
Hi, my name is David Oliver. I am one of the nation’s leading experts on helping Bipolar Supporters.
Please give me a few minutes to tell you my story and explain how I learned so much about coping and dealing with a loved one’s bipolar disorder.
Ten years ago, I was typing the phrase “bipolar disorder” and variations of those words into every search engine on the Internet just hoping to find a magic solution that would end my nightmare.
I read through website after website trying to track down answers… I searched for reasons, guidance, even just someone to talk to. All I found was the same old rehashed information on bipolar disorder.
Nothing useful, and certainly nothing that told me how to help a loved one cope with bipolar. And absolutely nothing which told me how to cope and deal with a loved one’s Bipolar Disorder which—you and I both know—is NOT an easy task, right?
It was incredibly frustrating. I was literally at the end of my rope because every day seemed like one long, never-ending bad dream that I couldn’t wake up from.
You see, my mother, who has had bipolar disorder since she was born, was in the middle of a major bipolar episode…
It was probably the worst she had ever experienced. And I had stepped in to be her primary supporter.
All the days of abuse, yelling, and screaming had taken their toll on me (the same feeling you’ve probably had with taking care of your loved one – the stress is incredible, isn’t it?).
But the Internet was just the start of my research.
I devoured everything I could find at the library, including boring, technical medical journals and dozens of books. I tracked down every bipolar expert I could find, in all disciplines. from physician, to therapist, to pharmacist and beyond.
And during my 9-month journey… I went from knowing nothing about her disorder and having NO idea how to copy and deal with her anger (and other symptoms)….to realizing I personally had become an expert on the topic!
And after my months of research, I can tell you one thing for sure: If you’re supporting someone with bipolar, you’ve got a better chance of winning one of those multi-state lotteries than finding the information you need to help your loved one SUCCESSFULLY cope with bipolar disorder…
And even less of a chance of learning how YOU can cope and deal with their bipolar disorder!
Because nearly all of the information that’s available is produced by doctors and professors who have a clinical relationship with bipolar disorder – NOT by people who are forced to deal with the irrational yelling, screaming, and arguing. NOT by people who are living with consequences of the disorder day in and day out.
You don’t need cold, clinical theories from physicians who spend a few hours a day tending patients with bipolar. You need coping strategies that work… from people who’ve actually walked in your shoes day in, day out for years. People who’ve SOLVED the problem…
Let Me Tell You About My Mom…
Let me tell you how my family has been affected by my mom’s long struggle with bipolar disorder.
My mother has had four major episodes in her life. Those are the kind of episodes where she has to be hospitalized for more than 10 days. Based on my calculations, that was one major episode every 7 years or so.
Each time, she would become super angry. She would first lash out against my dad. She would scream and yell at him. Next it would be my brother (whenever he was actually around.)Then finally me. Lucky me
It was bad over the years.
But the last time it happened, it was much, much worse…
My mother had turned into a completely different person. She wouldn’t eat or sleep. She only yelled, screamed, and said extremely hurtfuthings to my father and myself. Since my brother doesn’t like to deal with the problem, he never made himself available, if you know what I mean.
Mom would flip out on us for no reason. We could just say the slightest thing to her and BOOM she was super mad at all of us.
My dad usually just avoided her.
My natural-but-unfortunate response was to argue back, I got super mad at her and let her know…
Let me tell you, this does NOT work. (Read that sentence again please…it will save you a LOT of pain!)
Anyway, for about a month, my mom was on a rampage.
She missed many days of work and finally stopped going altogether. Even then, she would call her job at least 6 to 8 times a day. She would also call family members and friends just to say mean things to them. I can’t tell you how many people she alienated in that very short period of time.
If that wasn’t bad enough, my mom then started to flat out make things up. She would tell people that I said this or that my dad had said that when in reality, we hadn’t said anything of the sort.
She’d also say other people told her things which I later found out were completely untrue. (Nobody told her anything)
It was so bad we couldn’t tell when she was telling the truth or telling a lie.
I Decided It Was Time For My Mother
To Go The Hospital
I finally decided Mom needed to go to the hospital…
Of course, she refused. She screamed that she was fine. She told me I needed to go to the hospital, not her! She insisted all of her “supporters” said she would get better at home. She called me a “terrible son” and demanded I “get out” of her life “forever.”
And that was just the beginning.
She continued to swear at me and to throw everything she could get her hands on at me. She repeatedly demanded I leave the house and leave her alone because she never wanted to see me again.
Initially, I thought about following my brother’s lead and pretending there was no problem. I could just close my eyes, cross my fingers, and hope that everything would work itself out.
But I just couldn’t do it. You see, my dad has quite a few health problems, including congestive heart failure, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. I was worried my mom’s screaming would cause him to eventually have a heart attack.
So, to protect my dad’s health I just spoke to my mom every morning so she could scream and yell at me for at least an hour. EVERY DAY for 4 straight weeks she screamed at me every morning and again when I called her at night. For about two hours a day, I let her scream at me so I could divert at least some of her anger away from my dad.
The Doctor Didn’t Have a Clue
After searching for awhile, I was able to find the name of my mom’s doctor. We’d never talked to him or about him, so we’d also never learned his name or his number (which was one of my family’s big mistakes).
When I did talk to the doctor, he didn’t have a clue. He didn’t know my mom was “that bad.” He said he was trying to regulate her medicine, and I asked, “How are you going to know when her medicine was right?”
Do you know what he said?
He said: “I’ll ask her.”
Can you imagine asking a mentally ill person to determine whether or not their medication is effective? What a moron!
I asked the doctor many other questions, too but he didn’t have any answers. He couldn’t give me one single solid answer!
He made me so angry I finally said, “Let’s start over again and let me ask you some warm up questions like ‘What’s your name?’ and ‘What state do you live in?'”