1. Despite its name, you know that there is nothing romantic about the “MS hug.”
2. Having “foot-drop” and walking through a dog park can be a messy combination.
3. You know the “Swank diet” doesn’t describe the food on a country club menu.
4. Crowds and loud noise make you want to flee.
5. MS makes you a logistics specialist: You immediately scout out the accessibility, parking, and potty situation of every new location.
6. Rotating injection sites on your body is more important to you than rotating the tires on your car.
7. Who the heck rock climbs and windsurfs like the people in MS ads?
8. You know why the basket under a rollator collects as much junk as a purse.
9. Your body decides to spasm the moment the needle pierces your skin.
10. Taking a shower can be more tiring than it was getting dirty.
11. You wish everyone wore a nametag.
12. You know the difference between an MS med’s flu-like side effects and the flu.
13. You don’t just forget where you put your keys, but also where you parked the car.
14. You hope the test of touching your nose and the doctor’s finger has some medical relevance, and isn’t just a practical joke.
15. The “retail squeeze”: as your gait gets wider, the stores’ aisles appear to get narrower.
16. Cutting one’s toenails is no easy task.
17. The chefs on television should try preparing a meal from a seated position.
18. This scooter is my lifeline, not your ATV plaything—so get off!
19. It’s easier to get a disabled parking placard than it is to find an empty disabled parking space.
20. During a game of hide and seek, you’re always the easiest to find.
21. When you see someone wearing orange, you immediately think “MS awareness,” not “crossing guard.”
22. The closer you are to the bathroom, the worse your urge is to go.
23. You know that the nine-hole peg test is not something they sell in the gift shop at Cracker Barrel.
24. “Fun in the sun” isn’t in your vocabulary.
25. You’ve had so many MRIs, you can hum the melody of the pings and bangs.
26. You know you could never have a successful career as a robber, due to terribly slow getaways.
27. When people stare at your cane, you tell them you came straight from tap class.
28. “RRMS”, “SPMS”, and “CPMS” aren’t the sounds Grandpa makes sleeping in his chair.
29. When someone tells you, “You look so good,” you wonder if they’re referring to you or that pan of lasagna.